Ag Awards
Notifications
Login
en
Gambling Jokes (2019) | Casino Humor & Gambling Puns - AskGamblers

Gambling Jokes: These Are the Funniest Casino Puns of All Time

We all love to hear a good joke or two and it’s always a good time for that, even when it’s regarding casino humour. After sharing the funniest jackpot winners’ stories, we thought it would be cool to present you guys a selection of the 12 best gambling jokes we found on the web. Ready for a laugh? Buckle up, let’s go!

Gambling Jokes

Weather we’re winning or losing, we all have some anecdotes or funny gambling stories to share. This time around, we’ve decided to look for the most hilarious gambling jokes and casino puns, so these are the best gambling anecdotes that we’ve come across. But, what's the link between all the different types of online gambling and casino games and gambling puns? Take a read of the jokes below, and you'll see!

Gambling Jokes

1. Best Gambling Jokes and Poker Puns 

Lucky Loser 

Tim was down on his luck in Vegas. He had gambled all his money and had to borrow a dime from someone else just to use the men’s toilet. The door happened to be open, so he used that dime on a slot machine and managed to hit the jackpot. The, he took his winnings and went straight to the blackjack table and turned his small winnings into a 5 million-dollar win.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Tim went on the lecture circuit, where he told his amazing story. He told the audience that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man who made it all happen, he would share his fortune with him. After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, “I’m that man. I was the one who gave you that dime.”

“You’re not the one I’m looking for. I’m looking for the guy who left the door open!”

Clever Student

“I need you to help me stop my son gambling,” a worried mother said to her son’s headmaster. “I don’t know where he gets it from, but all he thinks about is bet, bet, bet.”

“Leave this to me” said the headmaster. 

Seven days later he phoned the boy’s mother. “I think I’ve cured him,” he said.

“How?”

“Well, I saw him looking at my large beard and he said, “I bet that beard is false.”

“How much?” I said, and he said “£5.”

“So, what happened?” asked the mother.

“Well, he pulled my beard, which is quite natural, and I made him give me £5. I’m sure that will teach him a lesson.”

“No, it won’t,” said the mother. “He bet me £10 yesterday that he will pull your beard with your permission by the end of the week!”

Nude Player

An attractive blonde from Ireland walked into the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet 20,000$ on a single roll of the dice. Then, she said: “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” That said, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish accent shouted, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. “YES! I WON, I WON!”

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other speechless. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other one answered, “I have no idea, I thought you guys were watching.”

Gambling Jokes

2. Top Gambling Puns and One Liners 

“How do you become a millionaire through gambling? – Start as a billionaire.”

“What’s the difference between praying at a church and praying at the casino? – When praying at the casino, you pray with all your heart!”

“What’s the difference between casino players and politicians? – Casino players sometimes tell the truth.”

3. Funniest Casino Puns and Card Jokes

“While doctor Miller is drinking his coffee at home, he hears his phone ringing. He answers and hears the familiar voice of his colleague, calling him for a game of poker. ‘I’ll be right over’, said doctor Miller quietly and he went to put on his coat. Mrs Miller walks right to him and asks worriedly: ‘Is it serious?’. The doctor replies: ‘Oh, yes, it’s quite serious. There are three doctors there already waiting for me!’ “

“Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom.”

“What do you call a professional poker player who broke up with his girlfriend? – Homeless.”

4. Ridiculous Horse Racing Puns and Betting Jokes 

“A dog is man's best friend, especially after you lose money on a horse.”

“When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money and the man with money leaves with experience.”

“How do you make a small fortune out of horses? - Start with a large fortune.”

Just for a Laugh

Those who read our blog posts on a regular basis know that we have no intention of making fun of people who may have an addiction problem; this blog is just for a laugh, you guys know we always emphasize you should play responsibly and we will continue to do our best to raise awareness among all our readers.

Join our Forum

As always, we would like to invite you to join our forum and share your thoughts and comments. See you there!

Sign up for +100 No Deposit Spins!

This offer is not applicable to residents of Great Britain.

By subscribing you are certifying that you have reviewed and accepted our updated Privacy and Cookie Policy