CASINO JOKE OF THE DAY

[cocopop3011]

Just read a brilliant joke about casinos which gave me an idea to start a thread for jokes. Somewhere we can come when we have lost some money or had a row with live help, read joke of the day and cheers yourself up.
(I think it would be a good idea not to focus on the addiction part of gambling....due to the possibility of offending other members)
No other rules...anything goes. No swearing of course

I will come and post a joke everyday (to the best of my ability lol) but would like some help too.
P.s I'm not sure whether this should be in the quote of the day post, can u move if it is please Valdes and edit this bit out lol)

[cocopop3011]

Last night I got thrown out of the casino. I completely misunderstood the cr*p table

[cocopop3011]

What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Vegas?

 

When you get off the plane walk into the propellers!

[cocopop3011]

Q: How's a casino like a woman?

A: Liquor in the front, poker in the back

[ValDes]

 

No comment!

[cocopop3011]

FunnyPart-com-casino.jpg

 

No comment!

Haha! Wasn't sure whether or not that one should be posted..but I thought go on be a dare devil

[cocopop3011]

I lost £20 playing poker with my mobile phone. By mistake, I called myself.

[cocopop3011]

A wife offered to share her money with her husband if he would share his money with her.

He said, "all right. Where is your money?"

She replied, "in that slot machine ove there!"

[cocopop3011]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm bottomless."

 

With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!"

 

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!"

 

With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"

 

The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"

[ValDes]

Sharon, you have just broke my heart with the latest joke! It describes almost perfectly the way I ''lost'' my wallet+cell phone at a party two years ago!!!!!!  

[cocopop3011]

Sharon, you have just broke my heart with the latest joke! It describes almost perfectly the way I ''lost'' my wallet+cell phone at a party two years ago!!!!!!

What u were watching some girls strip naked and she took your phone?? Lol what

[ValDes]

What u were watching some girls strip naked and she took your phone?? Lol what

 

Haha, not actually. Ok let me tell you the story. Not that I'm too proud of it, but still ...

I was invited to a friend's bachelor party a couple of years ago. And you know what boys like most at those parties, don't ya?! So, at the peak of the party we were visited not by one, but from two "highly educated and genteel" ladies, who started ''preaching some chaste guidance'' straight of the door! At the end of the ''preach'' we were so ready to praise the Lord', that didn't even noticed the bag of the second woman, which was already 'equiped' with most of our wallets and cell phones! So they left the apartment, leaving us with our tongues hanging out and we noticed the 'lacks' almost an hour later, when we tried to call for a cab... Luckily one of the company was a policeman, so we managed to ''localize'' the charming ladies in no time and to get back what's ours. And thanks God, otherwise I don't even want to imagine what I was going to explain to my wife!

No more strippers anymore, I promise!

[cocopop3011]

Haha, not actually. Ok let me tell you the story. Not that I'm too proud of it, but still ...

I was invited to a friend's bachelor party a couple of years ago. And you know what boys like most at those parties, don't ya?! So, at the peak of the party we were visited not by one, but from two "highly educated and genteel" ladies, who started ''preaching some chaste guidance'' straight of the door! At the end of the ''preach'' we were so ready to praise the Lord', that didn't even noticed the bag of the second woman, which was already 'equiped' with most of our wallets and cell phones! So they left the apartment, leaving us with our tongues hanging out and we noticed the 'lacks' almost an hour later, when we tried to call for a cab... Luckily one of the company was a policeman, so we managed to ''localize'' the charming ladies in no time and to get back what's ours. And thanks God, otherwise I don't even want to imagine what I was going to explain to my wife!

No more strippers anymore, I promise!

 

Hahahahahahahahahaha ha. Typical man

[cocopop3011]

 

What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies? Betty!

[ValDes]

Hahahahahahahahahaha ha. Typical man

 

Hihihihihihihi! Typical woman!!! :p

[cocopop3011]

Hihihihihihihi! Typical woman!!! :p

Good comeback smarty pants

[cocopop3011]

I know a guy at the casino who wont gamble. He just watches the games and makes mental bets. Last week, he lost his mind

[LordCronal]

Betsson is a joke, or atleast their Finnish customer service is. Few my countrymen made deposits because freespins to Mega Fortune were promised and however, those made 10/25 lines again... Betsson made that few times earlier and once I went also to trap in last year.

Then customer service said that Mega Fortune freespins are always 10/25 lines and it is made by NetEnt.    

However, I have seen so many times freespins to Mega Fortune in full lines in other casinos. 

[cocopop3011]

Betsson is a joke, or atleast their Finnish customer service is. Few my countrymen made deposits because freespins to Mega Fortune were promised and however, those made 10/25 lines again... Betsson made that few times earlier and once I went also to trap in last year.

 

Then customer service said that Mega Fortune freespins are always 10/25 lines and it is made by NetEnt.

 

However, I have seen so many times freespins to Mega Fortune in full lines in other casinos.

I'm sure when I've had free spins at betsson on Megan fortune all the lines have been active, at least I assumed they were

[LordCronal]

Well, I stopped to believing them when they lied to me of that.
 

[ValDes]

I'm sure when I've had free spins at betsson on Megan fortune all the lines have been active, at least I assumed they were

 

Hmm, this 'interesting, brand new NetEnt slot' is quite funny, isn't it?!

[cocopop3011]

Hmm, this 'interesting, brand new NetEnt slot' is quite funny, isn't it?!

Hahahahaha....it's this stupid predictive text! Hahahaha. Funny though. If that slot ever does get released I deserve the royalties on it. Lol

[cocopop3011]

In Vegas, they’ll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose

[cocopop3011]

Why isn't gambling allowed in Africa?

Because of all the cheetahs

[cocopop3011]

Q: What do dealers eat for dessert?

A: Dice pudding.